moving from the front door to the dining room is the next step. as we continue to use this home imagery to help us employ our ministry strategy of love, we can think about our own dining rooms
many dining rooms are reserved for guests, not often used by family unless its a holiday or special ocassion. in addition to the host and guests, there's the third element of the meal around which the interaction is structured with a definite beginning and ending. in between, the interaction takes place. the dining room is a place to entertain others, allowing an opportunity to get to know one another better. we said that the front door wasn't the place for relationship building; but at the dining room table, long silences can be more than awkward because there's the opposite expectation.
at the front door, we learned that hospitality matters to God.
at the dining room, we need to learn that how we socialize also matters to God.
in Luke 5:27-32, we read about Levi (aka Matthew) coming to follow Christ, and in the process introducing his friends/co-workers to Christ.
After this, Jesus went out and saw a tax collector by the name of Levi sitting at his tax booth. "Follow me," Jesus said to him, and Levi got up, left everything and followed him.
Then Levi held a great banquet for Jesus at his house, and a large crowd of tax collectors and others were eating with them. But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law who belonged to their sect complained to his disciples, "Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and 'sinners'?"
Jesus answered them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance."
the guests at Matthew's party and maybe even the disciples were there for the food, the friends, the drinks, or whatever -- but Jesus wasn't simply there for the social, but the spiritual. the Pharisees only saw the socializing -- Jesus sees the strategic opportunity to relationally make a difference in their lives.
relationships are a two-way street--it takes both sides being able to come together. in this meal, we see that Jesus was a likeable guy whom "sinners" didn't mind sharing the table with, but Jesus was also a guy willing to get close to "sinners" so that he may impact them spiritually.
we have to begin seeing our opportunities to socialize as more than just a social, entertaining, possibility. we have to look with strategic sense of entering into relationships with others so that we have the opportunity to have Christ visible through us. so whether its a church pot luck or an office lunch date, we interact in a way that reveals our Saviror.
our church has several social events and activities. not just the special carry-in meals or picnics, but the regular, monthly activities such as Ladies Night Out, Ladies Bunco Night, Men's Breakfast, and Men's Night In -- (not all our activities are gender specific, it just happened that we have several like this) -- we also have Dinner for 8, and the not-so-spontaneous out for dinner after service moments. these are all "dining room" opporutninties. we have to get into the mindset and practice of using these opportunities beyond just the social time together, but to use them strategically as a means of moving others from our "front door" to these opportunities. in these opportunities, we need to share our lives with others as we get to know them. in doing so, like Jesus, we add value to their lives by including them and taking the time to be with them--we also open the doors for sharing what a difference Jesus has made in lives (not just in our words, but in our lifestyles and choices).
another way to view our interactions strategically is to practice what Bill Hybels calls "strategic consumerism" (Becoming a Contagious Christian). an example he gives is consistently going to the same restaurant at the same time, sitting in the same section so that you begin to be known by and to know your server. we had a family in Tennessee that all used the same hair stylist so that they were all scheduled every Thursday and they could regularly talk to her about her family and their lives, while also consistently extending her an invitation to a church event or service. for this practice to work, you have to be committed to the long term relationship building of trust --not just 1 or two visits and lowering the boom on them with an aggressive evangelistic appeal (of course, that could be what the relationship and Spirit calls for) -- but the practice is about entering into someone's life and allowing them to get to know you in the process so that they can see Christ alive in you.
whether in our own homes, at the local restaurant, or at the hair salon -- we have opportunities to interact positively and strategically to make a spiritual difference. how we socialize matters to God. let's make the most of every opportunity (Ephesians 5:16).
let's now turn our attention from the larger ministry strategy to specific tactics for each strategy component. for now, we'll focus on the love component of serve love pray. let's answer the question, 'how do we move people into deeper love relationship with God and with each other?'
to think tactically about this love component, i'm gonna borrow some inspiration from the Northpoint Church in Alpharetta, GA -- they use a process they call "foyer, living room, kitchen." though i understand the generalities of their strategy, i've not studied it in depth -- i know that's how they help their folks and newer attenders understand how they progress in deepening interpersonal relationships. based on what we've been doing, and what i think the Lord is leading us to do, i've tweaked the process for our love component tactics and put my own spin on it--we'll use "front door, dining room, family room"
the front door is that place where people gain entry into your home. it's usually only used by those who don't know you, who aren't family--because if they knew you well enough, they'd use the back, side, or garage door entrance. at the front door, you make the determination whether or not to allow someone to come further into your home, to stay longer, or to send them away from the front door. sometimes the guest at the front door makes this determination based upon what they sense from you.
lasting relationships are not formed at the front door. the front door is formal interaction with a definite boundary--someone is in, someone is out. the front door leaves the insider with power and control, and the outsider uneasy and distant. what happens at the front door determines whether or not the relationship can continue--largely depending on whether an invitation to come in is given and received.
at church, we have front door opportunities -- moments when someone comes up to where we are comfortable, where we abide. what happens at these opportunities determines whether or not the guest will be back, or whether or not they will accept our invitation to come in further, to stay longer, to become a part of the family.
i think the dominant front door opportunity is still our Sunday morning worship. it's formal with definite boundaries, and has definite insiders and outsiders. strong intimate relationships are not formed within Sundary morning worship (but unfortunately, it's attendance is how we inappropriately judge the success of a ministry). it's a moment when decisions are made on whether or not to come in further and stay longer--a moment when hospitality has to be extended.
sometimes, front door opportunities happen at events, services, activities, and interactions that you wouldn't have classified as a front door moment--sometimes it's not about the place or program, it's about the person's stage of involvement with that church family. so hospitality isn't something we can just turn on for certain times, it has to be an extension of our love and service at all times.
Let's think about hospitality. hospitality matters to God -- it is an extension of love through grace and mercy. hospitality has been extended to us, allowing us to become at home in God's family due to the richness of his love lavished upon us, that we may now be called children of God (1 John 3:1). James 2 exhorts churches not to show favoritism to those who come into our midst. if we are not intentional about hospitality to all, we will unintentionally demonstrate favoritism to a few.
so, as the Church, we need to understand where/when our front door opportunities are so that we can demonstrate love through hospitality -- especially within our church where the love component is central in our very simple and visible minsitry strategy.
so, let me offer three things to help us better apply hospitality at the front door:
1. preparation -- if you know company's coming, you get ready. at our house, it's trashed or on the way to being trashed most of the time. so when someone comes unexpectedly at the front door, i usually just talk with them there--i'm not ready to receive a guest! but on Tuesdays in particular, the clutter is put away, the tables and countertops are cleaned, the floors swept, kids toothpaste residue is removed from the sinks, the toilets are scrubbed, the dishses are done, coffee is made and the cookies are fresh--why? because we know we'll have guests for the 20-something Bible study that meets in our house (and if they haven't eaten, i'm ready to cook 'em dinner). we need to take the same kind of care and mindset within our churches -- on the look out for guests, ready to help them feel comfortable and welcome, ready to demonstrate the love that God has shown to each one of us.
2. invitation -- you would think it rude if you were greeted at the front door by the host, then left standing there while the host went about their life through the house. yet we do that to Sunday Worship guests, and at other front door opportunities, all the time. we have to extend the invitation when we greet the guest, to come on in, stay longer, go further into the House. there are more opportunities for involvement and interaction--the guest has to know we sincerely want them to be a part of those other opportunities.
3. include -- when the guest is invited into the house, if there are others there, they need to be introduced. those who have been inside need to make room on the couch, get to know them, share their lives with them, and let them in on the subjects of the previous conversations. again, you would do this at a dinner party--why is it so difficult to do at our churches? the invitation may be the response of one to a guest, the including is the response of all the rest when the offer has been accepted. if the inclusion doesn't take place, the guest knows where the front door is, and they're likely to use it again going in the opposite direction. but if the invitation has been made and accepted, and inclusion has begun to take place--the guest may just be willing to join you in the dining room (but that's for next week).
what front door opportunities can you see within your own church ministries?
what is your current level of preparation--how can you help improve this?
how can you prepare yourself and others to be ready to invite and include?
